💰
💸
💰
💰
💸
💸
💰
💰
💰
💰
💰
💰
💰
💰
💸
💰
💸
💸
💰
💰
💸
💰
💰
💰
💰
💸
💰
💸
💰
💰
😢
🎭 ACT I: The Betrayal of the Free!
😢Time you've wasted staring at this page: 0 seconds
GASP!
THE FREE TRIAL IS
NO MORE!
"A tale of free-loading that tragically concludes" 🎭
🎪DRAMA-POCALYPSE METER™🎪
Status: Mildly Disappointed Parent😢
🔥
ROAST OF THE CENTURY
Your wallet is more closed than a 90s kid's AIM account.
📝REAL* CUSTOMER REVIEWS📝
⭐ 'Tried to pay with Monopoly money. They said no. 1/10' - BrokeButHopeful
⭐ 'Asked if I could pay in exposure. Still waiting for response.' - InfluencerLife
⭐ 'Offered to trade my sourdough starter for premium. Rejected.' - PandemicBaker
*Definitely real and not made up by our marketing team at 3 AM. We swear!
💀
GONE
Your Free Trial
(Forever and ever)
🤡
YOU
Are now
(A paying customer? Soon? Please?)
💸
MONEY
What we need
(Your money, specifically)
🏆
THIS
Meltdown. It's
(Still Oscar worthy)
🚨Don't let the drama consume you! Here are your next steps, brave adventurer!
💰
Secure Your Future!Dive into our pricing plans and become a legend!
(Click here, your wallet will thank you... eventually)
📞
Need a Shoulder to Cry On?Our support team is ready to listen (and help you pay)!
(We've got tissues, but no more free trials)
⚠️ Warning: Our customer service team has been trained in advanced guilt-tripping techniques and interpretive dance, but they also *really* want to help you.